This FEELed Note is a contribution from Sierra Lammi who took care of the FEELed Lab (alongside Erin Delfs) this summer while most FEELed members were away. Sierra is an MA student at UBC Okanagan in the Community Engagement Social Change and Equity stream of the Interdisciplinary Graduate Studies program.
My name is Sierra Lammi. I am originally from the ancestral and currently occupied Land of the Dakota and Ojibwe People, known colonially as Minnesota in the United States. A year ago I moved to the unceded and traditional territory of the Syilx People here in the Okanagan to pursue a master’s degree at UBC. I am in the Community Engagement Social Change and Equity stream of the Interdisciplinary Graduate Studies program. My research examines how maps can help us share our stories and experiences of climate change, so I was very drawn to the FEELed Lab at Woodhaven for the amazing things that happen here. I am incredibly lucky to know Astrida Neimanis and Dani Pierson, and they generously invited me to work in this space over the summer of 2023. Below is a reflection on what that invitation and what this Place meant to me over the summer.
Squinting my eyes to look at the blank word document open on my computer screen, my fingers are itching to type… something… anything… literally anything that will eventually go into my master’s thesis. The blinking cursor is staring just as hard at me as I am at it- taunting me and waiting for me to make a move. Nothing comes. I had heard of writer’s block before, but I hadn’t been completely sold on it. I had always thought there was some way around it, some loophole to get your story out. That was before I started trying to write a thesis. Now, it’s been weeks since I made any significant additions. Giving up, I decide to go outside for an “idea walk” at the FEELed lab at Woodhaven, hoping to clear my head.
Knowing I needed a change of scenery from my office, and from my writer’s block, brought me out to Woodhaven. There has always been something calming about this place, and as I walk through the trees listening to the wind, it is easy to see why. I stroll along, quietly reflecting about what Woodhaven means to me.
After attending several events here over the past year, I associate Woodhaven with community and to be in this Place is to remember the relationships I have formed and strengthened here over the past year. Walking along the stream and around the woods, I remember the spots where I shared laughter, joy, and emotions with friends. Being in these spots almost brings those people here, even if they are far away.
Now in the quiet of the summer, I have begun to form relationships in new ways with this Place and the Land itself. Sitting in the quiet corners of the FEELed Lab, I find company in the bugs that crawl across my hands while I read. Instead of listening to my music, I listen to the songs and stories the birds and trees tell. As I write, I often sit below the trees, and each time I get stuck (which is a lot) the wind blows, or a leaf falls and I know I am not alone. As isolating as graduate work can often feel, I know that I am in a Place that cares for me.
I must, however, acknowledge and understand that this Land, all the Land in the Okanagan, is unceded and currently occupied land of the Syilx People. While I may feel that the Land cares about me, we as settlers have not cared for the Land and the Syilx Nation in return. As I walk within the embrace of the forest, I think deeply about what it means to build relationships to a Place and the Land and people intertwined within a Place. As settlers, we must constantly be unlearning and learning how to maintain reciprocal relationships to the Land, and by extension the Syilx People who steward that Land. Being in a Place as loving and caring as the FEELed Lab can be a wonderful Place to begin building those relationships, but it is our responsibility as settlers to strengthen them and center them in all aspects of our lives. There are many ways to do this, but in this moment, it feels important for me to learn and better understand the history and culture of the Syilx Land and People, and so that is where I silently vow to begin a journey of learning that will never truly end.
Pausing beneath the shade of a tree, I ponder on the idea of ‘productivity’. I have done some of my best work over the summer while at Woodhaven, but not on every visit. Some days, I sit by the river listening to the wind or have a long talk with good friends that last most of the day, leaving no time to write after. All those days are productive and valuable – more so than the days that I do a lot of writing. These are the days that feel the most filling because I prioritize relationships that feel meaningful to me; relationships to my friends, to the Land and even to the way I approach my thesis.
I am nearing the end of my “idea walk”, but I stop by the stream to pay a visit. Noticing how low the water level is, I remember the days in early summer where we laid in the cool stream to escape the heat and have a laugh amidst overwhelm and stress. The water is too shallow to lay in now, but I dip my feet in and remember. I remember what an honor it has been to witness the changes and steadiness of Woodhaven over the summer. The bears and deer and quail became braver with fewer people, and said hello a few times, and the water ebbed and flowed down the stream. As much as this place changes, Woodhaven is here for me in ways I don’t always know I need.
I leave the stream feeling both refreshed and at ease. I don’t do any more writing for the day and settle on reading instead. As we pack up to leave, my friend asks me if my “idea walk” was helpful. I had not thought about my thesis at all, and that was both helpful and filling. I tell her yes, and in my head, start planning my next visit to this wonderful Place.
The FEELed lab 